When you just KNOW they’re going to say… NO!

The list goes on...

And don’t you find that, the more you really want them to wash or dress, the more you urgently need them to put their shoes and coats on or get in the car… the more likely they are to dig their heels in, saying “NO!” with passion and determination! Then it’s easy to feel that the battle lines are drawn and a confrontation or stand-off is inevitable...

It doesn’t have to be like this!

Life is full of mundane tasks. How enthusiastic can you get about washing, grocery shopping, cooking, tidying up…?! One way we motivate ourselves to get these things done is to think less about the task itself and more about what doing the task will get for us: the benefits of it being done. Then, instead of saying “NO!” to doing the task, we’re saying “Yes!” to the benefits. So:

• washing up    becomes   clean, tidy kitchen
• peeling veggies   becomes   sitting down to a nice meal
• grocery shopping    becomes   having what we need to hand
• tidying up    becomes   clear space, easy to find things
• going to work    becomes   planning the next holiday!

and so on… Once we’re thinking about these benefits, the task can just kind of “happen” - we do it without really noticing!

We can use this approach to motivate our children too. Think beyond the immediate task and ask yourself:

You know your children best: What’s going to spark their interest and get them saying “Yes!”?
Here are some examples:

Children often know exactly what needs to happen. They, like us, just need a way of thinking about it, or beyond it to the benefits, so that they can get on with it quickly and easily.

This approach works best when you get the “Yes” first, however hesitant! This is because the “Yes” effectively bypasses any resistance they may have. Things will then go more smoothly. Here’s an example:

In the second scenario, the resistance expressed in the “NO!” needs to be to overcome. However, in the first scenario, they haven’t expressed any resistance so there is less, or none, to overcome!

Now, how about this scenario:

This works even better to bypass resistance because you haven’t even named the task! It’s also a nice way of showing respect for your children as you’re showing them that you know you don’t need to tell them exactly what to do.

Once they’re “hooked” on what’s in it for them and have started the task, their attention may start to wander. You can keep them focused by emphasising what they’re aiming for. Here are some examples:

So next time you’re about to say “Come and…!” and you just KNOW they’re going to say “NO!”,
think Y E S:

Y - Get a “Yes” by asking yourself “What’s in it for them?”
E - Emphasise what’s in it for them to keep them focused on the task in hand
S - Speed them up by reminding them why they want to get finished in time

You may be surprised by how much co-operation you get!

Want to explore some more? Why not come along to a workshop? For more infomation on workshops please click here.