Is your message getting through?

Do you ever get the feeling you’re talking to yourself?

And nothing happens!

We try a bit louder… feeling more and more like an army sergeant major…

And still nothing happens. And maybe, depending on how we’re feeling – tired, stressed, hassled… ill even – we end up shouting to ourselves and then at them, feeling ignored, angry and taken for granted.

I did this several mornings on the trot with my kids, trying to get them to come to the kitchen for breakfast. Then, one morning, just as I was about to get cross, I looked over at my kids. I noticed what they were doing and how focused they were doing it. I realised, very simply, my message wasn’t getting through.

Usually, children are so involved in what they’re doing that they’ve “tuned out”. We are just background noise.  So for us, it’s like trying to talk to someone on the phone when they’re not actually there at the other end!

I realised I needed to first make the connection with my children so that my message at least stood a chance of getting through.

So next time you’re on the verge of getting cross because your message isn’t getting through, are you connected?

And one great way to get connected with your children is to really notice what they are doing. It’s easy to overlook this because we’re so focused on what we need them to do… Now!

Once you’ve tuned in to what they’re doing:

• Negotiate when they can go back to what they were doing once they’ve done what you need them to do.  If they are drawing or making something, you can help them put it somewhere safe so they can finish it later.

OR

• If they’re having an imaginary game, include what you need them to do into their game. E.g. if they’re being spacemen, you can be “ground control”: washing, dressing, eating, preparing to go out, etc. can all become part of “launch preparations”. And you don’t need loads of imagination - they’ve got plenty! Use theirs!